Issue #63 • June 5, 2026

A few days ago I sent Same People, Same Feeling, Not a Coincidence, about auditing the people in your life. Who gives you energy, who quietly takes it, and what to do about each one.

A lot of you wrote back. And almost all of you asked a version of the same question.

Is this a boundary I need to set, or am I just putting up with something I should let go of?

It is a sharper question than it sounds. Because most of us use two words as if they mean the same thing. Boundary. Toleration. They do not. And reaching for the wrong one is why you can work on something for months and end up more drained than when you started.

Here is the simplest way I know to tell them apart.

A toleration is the backpack. A boundary is the door.

One is the weight you are already carrying. The drawer that sticks. The email you have reopened nine times without answering. The meeting nobody defends. The other is the line you draw about what you let through in the first place.

The test is quick. If the thing draining you is an object, a task, or a promise to yourself, you do not need a boundary. You need a decision. Fix it, or accept it. But if it is a person and the way they treat you, no amount of accepting will save you. That is a missing boundary wearing a costume.

And here is where most high performers lose years. They try to accept their way out of something that needed a line, and call it maturity while the resentment quietly grows.

I wrote the full piece on how to tell which is which, the two mistakes that keep people stuck for months, and the one question that sorts almost everything. Five minute read.

Read it here: https://bymathias.kit.com/posts/the-backpack-and-the-door-tolerations-vs-boundaries-explained​

Mathias

P.S. I see this constantly with the high performers I coach. They are so good at absorbing that they carry things for years that one decision, or one hard conversation, would have cleared in a week. If that is you, and you are tired of running on a battery you can never quite recharge, that is the work I do one on one with founders and leaders. No pitch. Just an honest 30 mins to sort what you are carrying. Reply here, or grab a time: [Clarity Call link].

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